All In

 I’m a day late getting this blog out. My laundry is piled high and our small apartment looks lived in. For an obsessive like me when things are out of sorts, off schedule, and not in order I feel like everything is out of control. How quickly I can unravel and suddenly feel overwhelmed by it all over just a few dirty dishes. 

I’ve been neat, orderly, and scheduled ever since I can remember. When things are out of order. Everything becomes so loud. So loud, in fact, I don’t even know where I’m going with this weeks blog.  

So I stop. I pause. I breathe in Holy Spirit *deep breath in* and I exhale all of the everything. *long exasperating exhale* I breathe in. I breathe out. I ask God, “what is it you want me to share in this moment, for such a time as this?” 

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing.  Not only in this blog, but also in my daily walk with the Lord.  I’m doing all I can to be obedient to His leading even when I don’t know the outcome, even when I don’t know the time table, even when it’s messy. 

Why? Because of Jesus. Philippians 2:8 tells us “he humbled himself in obedience to the Lord and died a criminal’s death on the cross,” for a wretch like me. A former addict, adulterer, drug dealer, bartender. He went all in for me.  If not for his obedience on Earth, I’d be stuck in the deep waters he rescued me from (2 Sam 22:17.)  Because of Jesus I got a mulligan. 35 months ago I got a do-over that I most certainly didn’t deserve so here I am being obedient unto faith (Romans 1:5.) 

Walking away from my business, my security, a business which had prospered was hard. More than hard.  It didn't and still doesn’t make sense to my natural mind, but I trust Him.  His ways are not my ways (Isa 55:8-9,) but I trust them. His planS, PLURAL,  are to prosper me, not harm, to give me hope and a future.  Now that I’m suddenly living paycheck to paycheck, I’m ever more grateful that His promises are “Yes” and “Amen.” (2 Cor 1:20.)

Without fail, He proved immediately I could trust Him. You see, as of May 2nd, I was coming up $340 short this month, not counting gas and groceries. By Friday the 6th, all the bills were paid, the gas tank was full, and I had money in checking and savings. BUT GOD. 

I read an article by Christopher Ash recently that explained what Paul was saying in Romans 1:5 like this,  “the obedience of faith” means bowing the knee in trusting submission to Jesus the Lord, both at the start and in the continuation of the Christian life.”

First, we bow in our acceptance of Him as our Savior and LORD, but then we must continuously “walk it out,” or in this case “bow it out.”  

 “But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him.” -1 John‬ ‭2:5‬ 

He went All in for me, the most I can do is go all in for Him. No matter what it looks like. I will trust Him with all my heart, leaning not to my own understanding, acknowledging Him as I live in submission knowing He will make my path straight (Prov 3:5-6.) 

I don’t know what I’m doing, but even in this messy lived in apartment, I’m doing it. 

“If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom.”- Deuteronomy‬ ‭28:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬